Molestation

It happens. It happened to me. I was sleeping at my best friend’s house. This was in Australia. I think I was about 11 or 12. I heard the door opening and before I knew it, Chris, who was about 14 or 15, had me pinned down with his feet spread across my arms and one hand over my mouth. I won’t go into any further details.

My best friend sort of knew what had happened (she was in the room) and she shared some stories. I’m sure she told her mother, and that was the end of our friendship. Protect Chris at all costs. I didn’t tell my mother until I was an adult. She was appalled and immediately recognized why the deterioration in the friendship had occurred.

I stayed in another friend’s house one night. Again, I heard the door opening and my heart was beating. There was no reason for anyone to come into the room. After an interminably long time, they left.

I do have another incident, but I can’t quite share it yet.

I told my sister about all of this last year. Nothing like that had ever happened to her.

I may suddenly decide that I have shared too much and delete this post. Expect the unexpected.

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20 Responses to Molestation

  1. irishgirl999 says:

    And no one sleeps through it!

  2. grannyj1 says:

    Hugs IG. I love this quote by the great Maya Angelou. “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

  3. 40Watt says:

    I am so sorry, sweetheart. I’m glad you could tell your mother finally.

  4. irishgirl999 says:

    These were isolated *incidents.* It wasn’t ongoing, and thankfully they didn’t negatively impact on me.

    I remember at the age of 13, being glad to leave Australia. I thought all Australian men were bastards.

  5. 40Watt says:

    Whether you feel you must delete this post or not, I think you have raised something very important.

    In “my day” the vast majority of girls would have stayed silent, as you did, because they knew that, somehow or other, they would be blamed. You are quite a bit younger than me, and yet apparently nothing much had changed. You stayed silent. How many girls today are still suffering in silence?

    People say the situation with the Duggars happened because of their fringe ideologies and religious fundamentalism. I agree. However, I am concerned that girls who are not raised in homes like that, who are raised in progressive homes, in every sense of the word, are still not speaking up. I am afraid that, however hard we try, girls are still growing up surrounded by attitudes that speak to their potential guilt for no other reason than being female; that they are still afraid it will be said that they brought it on themselves and/or they should not “ruin” the lives of their attackers.

    The same of course goes for boys who are victimized by their coaches etc.

  6. irishgirl999 says:

    For me, I am quite sure that I would have been believed. There is no doubt in my mind that my mother would have taken action. However, I felt violated and embarrassed that it had happened to me. My mother would have made waves, and I knew that the story could spread throughout our small town. And that is why I didn’t tell her for decades.

    My mother is a formidable woman!

    • irishgirl999 says:

      I didn’t want anyone to know.

      And I suppose that is the crux of it. Shame. Even when you were molested.

      • 40Watt says:

        Yes, and in this sort of situation, I see that as blaming one’s self, for doing nothing wrong.

      • irishgirl999 says:

        I didn’t blame myself. It happened to me.

      • Moles says:

        This is one of the saddest and to me infuriating side effects of such appalling incidents; that the child, no matter how loved, has the crushing feeling that somehow they are at fault. At 11 or 12, the thought of this being common knowledge would have been paralyzing. The most disgusting thing apart from the abuse itself is the mother’s reaction. Understandable, perhaps. Forgivable? Not in this life.

      • irishgirl999 says:

        I never felt that I was to blame. I just didn’t want that shameful thing to be common knowledge. He had made me feel icky.

    • 40Watt says:

      I didn’t want my post to get too long so I didn’t go into the various reasons girls and boys might stay quiet. And I certainly would expect your mother to be formidable and your father, and both to be very much on your side. However, as you said, there were other reasons. And that’s what I don’t think has changed that much. There are always complex, difficult reasons that cause children to stay quiet – not just about this sort of thing, but all sorts of things they feel it might be safer if people don’t know.

      If the story spread through the town, for example, apart from the embarrassment, people would have taken sides. Blame would have been apportioned. That’s what people do, and that would have added to the pain. And on and on…..

      Basically, what I’m saying is that it’s not only regressive attitudes that cause children and young people not to speak out.

      • irishgirl999 says:

        The strange thing was that I did mention it to one school friend. She took over as the best friend when I was dumped…
        None of us wanted to sit in the car with Chris. We were talking about it!

  7. irishgirl999 says:

    I have told my beautiful daughter, if anyone does anything to you. Tell me.

  8. lindak1961 says:

    {{Hugs}} Irishgirl.

  9. MrsGunka says:

    When I was in 8th grade and taking private music lessons at the school during the summer the band instructor was behind me and he reached over and grabbed my breast. He saw me raise my drum sticks and he backed off. I threw them down and ran out of the room. I never went back for another lesson that summer. I had babysat for them and he and his wife were both in the choir with my mother. I was so shocked, frightened and ashamed! I never told a soul. He didn’t come back the next year.. I wonder if he tried that with others and they told their folks? I felt so violated by it. He was creepy like so many ministers were too. Just something about their eyes or something. He would have first chair students come in for private lessons then we would have the whole group come in later and we would help the others thru a certain new song or cadence (drums) for the concert on Friday. I never showed up for the group class that week either or the rest of summer.To me it was an unforgivable assault. I was only 14 but very naive at that time.I’ve always felt violated to this day!

    • lindak1961 says:

      {{Hugs}} Mrs G

    • irishgirl999 says:

      When you are 14, it is very hard to know how to deal with something like that. I remember working in a pub at weekends when I was in college. It was near home, not in the city. For some odd reason??? I was asked to work on a Saturday morning when there were no customers.

      When I refused to kiss George (the owner), I found myself without work, a week or so later…

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