General Shite

So, I am in a high state of excitement. I’m off  to Miami Beach over the weekend. For 10 fecking days.

I’m going to meet my dahhling fiend friend CC. Don’t tell your kids this…but internet friends are the best. I thank gawd for Jeanne Devon and La Regina. Y’all know who I am talking about (perfecting my American accent).

Once upon a time, a Brazilian woman and her wonderful husband Peter, hosted a crowd of yahoos. An Irish woman, a Cuban and and a hick from Kansas.

It was fecking glorious. We laughed non-stop.

From that, lasting friendships were made.

I have met CC numerous times. Dublin twice, Miami and Amsterdam. And now we are off on our adventures to Charleston, SC. We are hoping to catch up with Regina in Miami.

I also managed to persuade the hick from Kansas to come to New York a while ago. I am currently trying to get her to go to Italy….I can do it for 30 quid (Ryanair).

In other news, my 90 yr old mother made soup on her new soup machine!!!!!!! Way to go Mum.

My dentist told me to be careful of Trump…I wanted to turn around and say do you think I like that fat  wanker….but my mouth was too numb. I just gave a high-pitched laugh.

Also, we have every species of bird in our garden. The fat balls are a killer.

I think I need a rest day.

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Some Fucked Up Shit

You can’t buy a beer in the US until you’re 21 but it’s quite okay to buy an assault weapon and murder your fellow citizens when you are 19.

That’s all I’ve got. And I’m headed to Florida this weekend.

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Stormy Daniels Back On The Scene

What sort of idiots has Trump surrounded himself with?

Trump denied the affair and now Cohen expects people to believe that he paid Stormy Daniels $130,000 out of his own pocket. Why?!? And for what. This is going from the ridiculous to the sublime.

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Blogger’s Block

giphy

I am bereft of ideas. I should be talking about Trump and his manger of domestic abusers that is keeping the world afloat but somehow I can’t summon the energy. I will say this – Fuck Kelly.

Also and too, I believe Hannity saw a sperm on Obama’s forehead. There is much I could say about this, but in the interests of decency, I will keep my mouth firmly shut.

sperm

In other news, my mum discovered that I was smoking upstairs when I visited her last week. I couldn’t believe it. I had taken fragranced candles and air freshener and sprayed everything  very liberally around the room. Left windows open etc. The room was positively buzzing with clean air and fresh smells but my nearly 91 year old mother sniffed me out.

When confronted with the evidence,  I did a Donald Trump on it, I blamed the chimney.  I told her it was leaking smoke into my room…

Well we laughed so hard.

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My Visit To The Optician

opticians

Y’all know I lost my glasses yesterday. So there was nothing to be done but book an appointment with an eye god.

Trouble was, her son and mine are best friends.

I let it be known.

It ended up being the funniest eye exam I have ever had.

I don’t know  how we ended up talking about male sperm and getting baby daughters. But we did…we went there. And we are fucking experts.

We both got our daughters.

Be careful what you wish for. Surfer dude and Crippled Son are easy to placate.

Daughter can be an unforgiving bitch.

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Like WTF?

dim bulb

Oh, cry me a river.

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Abortion

I visited my nearly 91 year old mother this week. At some point during my stay, mum asked me about the new legislation  that is due to come before the Irish parliament in the near future concerning the above dilemma.

I replied, that while I didn’t like abortion, it was not my place to condone women who needed one.

Mum kept on about the “baby” and I eventually said to her…well  that’s all well  and good, but some women have very good reasons for terminating their pregnancy.

I cited a neighbour’ s plight. Her daughter was diagnosed with melanoma and a week later discovered she was pregnant. Her mother pleaded with her to terminate the pregnancy so that she could go ahead with chemotherapy. I’m happy to report that mother and baby are both doing well, but that was the mother’s choice.

I said to mum that if she felt so strongly about it, then she should be prepared to adopt all of those *babies.*

I love my mum. We can have a good fight and then I show her how to use the soup maker that her grand daughters  bought her last week. We are wallowing in tomato, and leek and potato(e) soup.


In other news, surfer dude left the car at an undisclosed location in Dublin because his friend broke his leg at a soccer match. Do I believe this?

Maybe this time…he had photos. There is always the web.

So, I needed to buy some food. Grabbed a rucksack and set off to purchase life-sustaining nourishment. On the way back I discovered my glasses were missing. Doubled back. No luck.


To say I was in a bad mood is an understatement.

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Even the dog is avoiding me.

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